Dementia. A Reflection
Russell, NZ: 10th March 2026
A long time ago, we began to think that my mother was unwell. At first, it was unclear what was going on. She just wasn’t herself. She was anxious and forgetful, but she had recently lost her husband and stress can cause that. Of course, we all forget things, but she started losing things more often than most of us and saying odd things. Her conversational ‘filter’ would slip and cause embarrassment to those who were with her. She had a tendency to make contradictory statements, and there was a degree of paranoia which would sometimes undermine her thinking and her decision making.
She developed a tendency to become disorientated and confused. There were occasional problems with her speech – long moments of silence as she searched for a word. She misunderstood situations. She began to lose concentration. More than once she set off to meet someone and then forgot where she was going and why. On one occasion, whilst driving from Hertfordshire to Suffolk, she ended up on the M6 near Coventry, seriously off course and lost. Yet when challenged, by me and by her doctor, she could appear to be completely rational and in control.
Then, there were a couple of minor accidents. One afternoon, whilst visiting friends, she caused considerable damage to someone else’s car (and her own) and simply walked away, apparently unaware of any responsibility for what she had done. As a family, we recognised that my Mother’s ability to see and manage the risks of her own actions was diminished. to the point that intervention was necessary. It was time to have the conversation about the car.
We all know that, in the wrong hands, a car is a potentially lethal weapon. It fell to me to tell my mother that we, her family, felt that it was time to stop driving. She was angry. Very angry. Of course we all understood that this was a big step but it was harder because she couldn’t see the problem. Ultimately, I had to take away the keys. I had to take away the car. I did it for her own safety, and for the sake of innocent people who might be injured or worse because of her diminished judgment. To let her continue having control of a lethal weapon would have been unkind to her and put lives at risk.
Shortly after, my Mother was formally diagnosed with dementia. It became clear that her condition had been developing over a number of years in plain sight, and was now unmissable. Now, many years later, aged 95, my mother is in full time care in a wonderful residential facility in Hertfordshire.
Risk of Inaction
Dementia is an awful disease. Most people who are on the path will deny their diagnosis and be resistant to controls being placed on their behaviour. Unchecked, their behaviour can be extremely problematic and even harmful to themselves and to others.
Turning a blind eye to someone suffering from this dreadful disease is unhelpful and dangerous. Inaction carries serious risks for the individual and often for others. Sometimes, for the good of the victim, and for others around them, especially the vulnerable, others have to step in. Uncomfortable decisions need to be made.
Apropos nothing,
The President of the United States is the Commander in Chief of the most powerful armed forces in the world. He has control of the most lethal armaments available to mankind.
The 25th Amendment of the US Constitution allows for the removal of a President if, in the view of two thirds majority of both Congress and the Senate, he is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office.
Wake up America. Before someone innocent gets hurt.